Dave and Emily arrive at their catering appointment on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Emily walks in carrying a folder…Dave notices the folder, and then there is another folder inside.
He asks Emily, “What’s in there?”
“Nothing,” Emily replied.
Dave knows immediately that this is a lie. He opens the folder and sees a spreadsheet with a bunch of food listed (Emily is the queen of spreadsheets), then a printed menu, then another spreadsheet titled “Possible Appetizers.”
Dave looks at Emily. “How many appetizers do we need?”
Emily smiles. “I don’t know yet.”
“That sounds dangerous.”
Emily ignores him.
They sit down with the caterer, who cheerfully asks the question that will change everything.
“So, what are you thinking for dinner?”
Emily sits up straight…this is her moment.
“I’ve been thinking filet mignon would be nice.”
Dave nods…everyone likes a good steak.
“And chicken… and lobster.”
Dave stopped nodding.
“Lobster?”
“Yes.”
“For everybody?”
Emily looks confused.
“Of course.”
Dave looks at the caterer.
The caterer looks at Dave.
Emily continues.
“I was also thinking mini crab cakes, steak frites, shrimp, caprese skewers and a few charcuterie boards.”
Dave puts his coffee down.
“A few charcuterie boards? How many is a few?”
“Maybe four or five.”
Dave looks horrified.
“Who is going to eat all this cheese? Isn’t half your family lactose intolerant? How many bathrooms does the venue have?”
The caterer tries not to laugh.
Emily gives Dave the look… the look every future husband recognizes and fears.
It says: Choose your next words very carefully.
The caterer realized that Dave needed some help and asked him what kind of food he was thinking about having.
Dave leaned forward. “I think we should keep the food simple.”
Emily smiles.
“That sounds reasonable.”
“Taco station. Chicken wings…and pizza.”
Emily slowly turns to Dave. “Pizza, tacos and chicken wings? At our wedding?”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s our wedding.”
“Exactly,” Dave says. “People should have food they actually want to eat…fun food.”
Emily glares at him.
“Dave, we are trying to create an elegant wedding. Pizza is not elegant.”
“Pizza can be elegant.”
“How can pizza possibly be considered elegant?”
Dave thinks for a minute.
“Put it on a fancy plate.”
Emily closes her eyes. The caterer suddenly becomes very interested in the ceiling.
Dave said “Remember when Homer won that wing-eating contest last summer at Sliders when he ate 55 wings in 7 minutes? He said if we have wings at the wedding, he will try to beat that.”
And this is where the wedding debate menu really begins.
Because Dave and Emily aren’t just arguing about food. They are arguing about what the wedding should feel like.
Emily wants guests to walk into the reception and think: “WOW.”
Dave wants people to walk into the reception and think: “Wow, look at all the different flavors of wings.”
Emily wants passed hors d’oeuvres. Dave wants a buffet.
Emily wants a plated dinner. Dave wants them to just walk up and put pizza and tacos on their plate.
Emily wants champagne.
Dave asks if they can have a couple of kegs, or coolers full of beer.
Emily wants elegant little desserts. Dave suggests an ice cream truck.
Dave said, “Emily, guests are going to remember the food.”
That got her attention. Because Dave has a point.
The caterer jumped in and said, “Wedding food isn’t about impressing people. It’s about making sure people are comfortable, happy and have food they like to eat. There will be vegetarians, people who can’t eat shellfish, people who don’t eat red meat… and there will be people who complain about the food, no matter what is being served.”
Dave asked, “Who in the heck is coming that is a vegetarian? I thought we agreed that we weren’t inviting any weirdos.”
Emily finally takes a deep breath.
“Okay. Maybe we can compromise.”
Dave smiles. “Great. Pizza?”
“Not exactly.”
Emily starts writing, and they finally decide on a combination.
Elegant appetizers. Filet mignon and chicken for dinner, and a couple of vegetarian choices.
And then…Dave gets his pizza. Sort of.
A small late-night pizza station. 🍕
Dave looks at Emily. “You really are amazing.”
“I know.”
The caterer smiles. “Anything else?”
They look at each other.
“No,” they both say.
They begin walking back to their car, and for one beautiful moment, everything is perfect.
They have reached a compromise, survived the menu selection and most importantly… avoided a marital crisis over chicken wings. They leave the caterers feeling victorious.
Then Dave stupidly says, “See? Wedding planning isn’t that bad.”
Emily stops walking.
“Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Because every time you say that something happens.”
Dave laughs and says, “Nothing’s going to happen.”
As they are driving home, Emily’s phone rings.
She looks at the screen, and it’s the caterer.
She answers, “Hi.”
Emily’s smile disappears. “What?”
Dave looks over. “What’s happening?”
Emily covers the phone. “The guest count. The caterer just got the final, updated number.”
Dave shrugs. “Okay.”
“We are 27 people over our original count.”
Dave’s eyes widen. “Twenty-seven?”
Emily nods.
“And they are all coming?”
“Yes.”
Emily puts down her phone, and they both look at each other. Neither speaks.
Then Dave says the one thing that could possibly make this situation worse.
“Well…maybe that’s why we should have went with the taco bar.”
Emily’s eyes narrow.
Now they must figure out how to feed 27 unexpected guests without blowing the budget, changing the seating chart, all while making sure they aren’t exceeding the maximum occupancy of the venue.
Emily has already started making another spreadsheet.
And somewhere, a pizza oven begins to preheat….
Stay tuned for Part 8 of the Ring, The Stress, and the Dress…
Because apparently, choosing the wedding menu was just the appetizer.